How Can I Make My Heart Cold So I don't care for this man?

I'm into week 4 of my separation. Husband supposedly left over my prescription addiction but I had been improving and I feel like he's such a hypocrite because he's a pot head. To me drugs are drugs. But ok, I get that I don't need to rely on Soma or Valium to deal with life. Either way I'm coming clean and moving forward. But I hurt. I cry every day and night--I've already listened to every Bon Jovi song, wrote out a list of pros and cons of him coming back or staying gone. The list was about even. I believed he was the love of my life, soul mate- we shared 16 yrs together and I'm in my mid 30's so logic tells me I'm young enough to start over and better now than later when I'm older. But I can't accept it in my heart. I've broken every "separation/breakup" rule, lost my pride by calling/texting, pleading- he has seen the pain in my eyes and still ambivalent about what to do. One minute he says it's OVER and then he'll change his mind and say "if you stop doing this and that it will work out". I know I'm not a normal woman and have issues but I'm also a beautiful, gifted, sentimental artist and I feel he is the worse type of guy or his way of dealing with me is the most painful for a person with my temperament. He has issues showing emotion where I'm very free and unafraid to be vulnerable and it's a quality everyone but him finds very endearing. So now I'm tired of hurting and I'm angry now. I want to STOP LOVING HIM. TO not care--to let him feel the indifference I've felt. My daughter doesn't even react to him being gone- she says if he doesn't care enough to stay why should she care and she says I'm her main caretaker and the only one she truly needs in this world. That comment struck me deep and I can't spare his feelings. He will have to hear his own teen daughter say how she feels-finally after being so quiet. What she said to me hurt and made me feel so bad that I chose a loser who couldn't be there for my beautiful, brilliant child. Any tips please!! I don't want to call him--no matter how lonely, lost, sad I feel. I want to get my pride back and want him to suffer as we have. BY the way the meds were given to me after 2 near fatal accidents where I was permanently affected with spinal rigidity, sciatica, fibromyalgia- Its very hard to feel sick and be so young and because I tend to my appearance and look fine, people don't see what's going on underneath. I've lost 10 lbs already in these 4 wks. I need to lose weight but I can't eat, sleep good, I feel awful. I was abandoned as a child by my parents and have some odd emotional disorder where I panic and feel immense pain when people leave my life. The only one I could count on was my Nana and she died last year which is what brought on a major nervous breakdown. Also lost my job. All these losses in a short time has made me feel 5150. Please help.